Hey everyone. Here's my new intro for Demon At My Door, thought I'd see what you guys think since I suck at opening. :)
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Tuesday Teaser Time!!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Hey everyone. Here's my new intro for Demon At My Door, thought I'd see what you guys think since I suck at opening. :)
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22 comments:
Oh my goodness! I want more. I like ths opening, a lot.
Oh, man--disappearing lifelines? Soul stealing 5 yr olds? Paranoid schizos--or not? Count me hooked! Plus, love the voice--woot!
Dude, this voice is awesome!! :D
Eek! This is creepy and awesome. I love the sarcastic voice.
Amazing opening, so stop complaining! :D The right amount of info, character building, and 'course conflict. Cool to see someone else doing a Demon story too. ;)
I think is opening is awesome! It defintely drew me in!
Wow - the line about the soul stealing five year old bastard had me hooked! The flow is great and the way she picks up details about the doctors office is wonderful! Great job! :)
FABULOUS!!! I loved it the other night, and I totally love it today!! The life line part is killer. Can't wait to beta this!!
This is a fab opening! A five year old who steals souls?! I have to read more! Great tease :)
This. Is. So. Much. Better!!! I love the palm idea, very hooky.
Love. This. Opening. Especially the squiggly lines on your palm thing. And a five year old who you speak so poorly of? Interesting stuff.
It's great! I love the snark, and the first couple paragraphs draw me in immediately.
Woah, cool! I love the disappearing lifeline thing, that's brilliant.
Thanks guys! I'm always so iffy on the openings. LOL
Awesome start! I love that you're incorporating lifelines. *grins* Great teaser!
This is a great first page. I love the voice and the thing about a 5 year old stealing someone's soul is great! Loving it!
Awesome and freaky.....I love it!
Oo, I love this voice. And so intriguing about the lifelines. More please.
Good opening, a very interesting story unfolding here. The only thing I would say is not to give away too much at once. Give me some action, but don't tell me about 11 years ago just yet - save that for a bigger reveal.
This is such a cool teaser!
Fantastic opening. And LOVE that voice. Wicked!
Excellent, excellent opening paragraph! Really. Especially the twist in the last line.
This gave me the chills! I love this opening! The first paragraph was brilliant! Awesome job!
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