Updated Query

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Okay, so this query thing has been driving me nuts! So I have worked over my qery yet again and posted it on Absolute Writes website. I have gotten some pretty good feedback so far, which is exciting. Now, let's just hope it turns some agent heads. LOL :) Best of luck to all of you working on queries!

Here's my newest!

Thanks for the feedback :)


MeganRebekah said...

Love the premise and you've got a great voice going on here.

My thoughts:
- I don't think you need the first paragraph at all. You've already got a fairly long query and the intro doesn't tell us anything that isn't divulged later. Plus I love the opening line of the second paragraph and that would be a great opener.
- I wasn't crazy about calling Colin her HS sweetheart and then saying he's her one weakness. HS sweetheart sounds simple and puppy love-ish, but then he is the one thing she loves most in the world? Didn't fit.
- And even after cutting the first paragraph, you could trim it down a bit more still. You don't need to cover all the major plot points of the book, just give the agents a little tease to get them hooked.

Overall, awesome job!!! Good luck!

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