tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655368363508700525.post9028702671767181802..comments2024-03-06T05:16:26.324-05:00Comments on Reading, Writing and Waiting: Updated QueryAnnie McElfreshhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14312634754232333138noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655368363508700525.post-83259113118606694862009-08-27T12:38:57.690-04:002009-08-27T12:38:57.690-04:00Love the premise and you've got a great voice ...Love the premise and you've got a great voice going on here.<br /><br />My thoughts:<br />- I don't think you need the first paragraph at all. You've already got a fairly long query and the intro doesn't tell us anything that isn't divulged later. Plus I love the opening line of the second paragraph and that would be a great opener.<br />- I wasn't crazy about calling Colin her HS sweetheart and then saying he's her one weakness. HS sweetheart sounds simple and puppy love-ish, but then he is the one thing she loves most in the world? Didn't fit.<br />- And even after cutting the first paragraph, you could trim it down a bit more still. You don't need to cover all the major plot points of the book, just give the agents a little tease to get them hooked.<br /><br />Overall, awesome job!!! Good luck!MeganRebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285116194891827858noreply@blogger.com